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MALAM TADI KAMU DAN KAWAN BAIKMU BERTENGKAR.

KAMU MEMBUAT KEPUTUSAN TAK MAHU BERCAKAP DGNNYA KEESOKAN HARINYA.

DIA SENYUM KEPADAMU.SEBALIKNYA KAMU MENGETAP GIGIMU KPDNYA.

DIA MENCERITAKAN PERKARA YG BAIK TENTANG KAMU KPD KWAN2NYA YG LAIN.

KAMU PULA MENYEBARKAN KHABAR ANGIN MENGENAINYA.

DIA CUBA MENDEKATIMU DAN MENEGURMU.

TAPI KAMU TOLAKNYA KE TEPI.

BAGINYA KAMU SEORG KAWAN YG TERBAIK.

KAMU PULA RASA DIA SEORG KAWAN YG PALING TERUK PERNAH KAMU JUMPA.

DIA PUN MENULIS NOTA KPDMU DAN MENCERITAKAN SEMULA KENANGAN MANIS YG PERNAH KAMU DAN DIA KONGSI BERSAMA.

KAMU PULA MENULIS SEMUA SAAT BURUK YG KAMU INGAT SEPANJANG BERSAMANYA.

JAUH DI SUDUT HATIMU KAMU MENGASIHANINYA. TAPI DI HATIMU SUDAH PENUH DGN KEBENCIAN.

KEESOKAN HARINYA KAMU JUMPA SATU NOTA DRPDNYA:

DEAR_________,
SAYA CUBA MEMBERITAHU KAMU SEMLM TAPI KAMU TAK BERI PELUANG UTK SAYA BERCAKAP. SAYA CUBA BERITAHU KAMU BERITA GEMBIRA TAPI KAMU TAKUT UTK MENDENGARNYA.SAYA CUBA UTK SENYUM KPDMU TAPI KAMU SAMBUT SENYUMAN SAYA DGN KEBENCIAN. SKRG NI KEADAAN SAYA SGT TERUK DAN MAKIN TERUK.

SAYA MINTA MAAF SBB HARI NI SAYA TAK DPT BERJUMPA DGN KAMU. SAYA TULIS SURAT SEMASA SAYA DI HOSPITAL.SAYA SUDAH KESUNTUKAN MASA. SAYA MINTA MAAF SBB TERPAKSA BERITAHU KAMU SKRG. SAYA MINTA MAAF ATAS PERGADUHAN KITA,KAMU MMG SEORG KAWAN YG HEBAT. SAYA JANJI SAYA AKAN SENTIASA MEMERHATIKAN KAMU.

SALAM KASIH SAYANG,

________________

KAMU PUN BERLARI KE HOSPITAL UTK MEMINTA MAAF PDNYA.
TAPI HANYA IBUNYA SAJE YG ADA DI SITU.
IBUNYA MENEKAP MUKANYA DGN KEDUA BELAH TGNNYA.
DAN DIA PUN MENANGIS.DIA MELUTUT DAN BERDOA SUPAYA TUHAN KEMBALIKAN ANAKNYA.

KAMU SUDAH TERLAMBAT.
KAMU BERHARAP DPT BERITAHU KAWANMU YG KAMU MINTA MAAF DAN UCAPKAN SELAMAT TINGGAL.

PENGAJARANNYA:

SEMUA KAWAN ADA MASA NAIK DAN TURUN.DAN KADANGKALA KAMU PERLU MEMINTA MAAF.JGN TUNGGU ORG LAIN MELAKUKANNYA DULU.SBB KAMU TAKKAN TAHU APE
AKAN TERJADI ESOK HARI.

KALAU KAMU BENAR2 SYGKAN KAWANMU DAN SANGGUP BERKAWAN HINGGA NAFAS TERAKHIR, BAGITAU LAH DAN TUNJUKKAN PDNYA YG KAMU BENAR2
MEMPUNYAI HATI DAN PERASAAN.

Simple Thoughts.....

Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...
if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with eveything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us walled up because we are too afraid to care too much... for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say goodbye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

Hmmm.....

Take The Time To Heal Yourself As Only you Can Rely On Yourself

***** In our gay world, this translates to getting to know what type of gay man you're dealing with before asking him out. Does your prospect's personality match up with yours? What kind of gay man are you? Or better yet, what kind of a gay man do you want to be with?*****

***** If you're fallen head over heels for a guy you had a date with, met online or in any other situations, just be patient! take your time getting to know him. Be sure not to panic if he doesn't call you on a daily basis or if you two aren't picking out China pattens after spending a week of romance. If you guys hits it off, chances are he's into you as much as you are into him, but any potential relationship will be much better off if you take it slow and get to know one another. First impressions are great, but you can only get to know a person well after spending time with him. Who knows, he may turn out not to be the person you thought he was. On the other hand, he might just be the man of your dream. Only time will tell.*****

***** Patience is one of the hardest things to learn in life, especially while building relationships. It's known that gay relationships mature at an accelerated rate, often much faster than relationships between straight couples. Nonetheless, one thing heteros and homos have in common; the time it takes to find the right mate.*****

***** Healing your heart ... impossible is it may see, to mend a broken heart... so many pieces to recover... so many memories torn apart. I don't know where to begin... or even how to describe this feeling i have... that's ached deep inside. There are so many things i want to give you... so many things i want you to see... so many things i want you to feel, as i sit here patiently... patiently waiting, for the time to come... where you hearts beats for me, and two hearts beats as one... so , with every flower i give you, and every letter i write... a new piece of your heart unveiled. For me to hold tight.. with every tears you shed.. as i kiss them away. Another distant memory... just faded away... as we hold hands together... and have those late night talks... your heart will become one... and love's journey... again... you shall walk*****

Sometime In Life...

Sometimes when life kicks you in the face and rubs your face in the dirt, you've got to pick yourself up, dust yourself and knee life back in the bollocks. i suck at feeling sorry for myself. Newly single and standing on a crossroad in my life, one seeks a friendly face, nothing more.

we were not put to this earth to be alone. As everyone else i'm looking for my soulmate to become a whole person. Love to be romantic, love him, take care of him, watch him sleep and caress him. Make him feel safe and be there for him.

Am not an angel i'm afraid, but i wish i had wings like Icarus so that i could somewhat lift you up to the sky and show you that you are my HEAVEN...

~ Lonely Shadow ~

I live through my dark existence only to bask in your beauty.
Your eyes that shine like sapphires, your smile that brightens even my sad
existence. i envy the wind that runs through your hair... that touches your lips.
I long to touch you, to hold you in my arms but i cannot... for your heart belongs to another.. so, i can only love you from afar. Your friendship means more to me than anything this world can provide. And like and angel, you touched my heart in a way i've never felt before cause i've never known what love is until this day. I know that we are only friends but my heart wishes it to be more... so i will still hope and dream that one day i can feel your lips pressed to mine again.

Why You Look So Sad!!

Oh... Why u look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes.... Come and talk to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry.. Let me see through you cause i've seen the dark too. I'm a lot like you.. when you're standing in a crossroad, don't know which path to choose... Let me come along... cause even if you're wrong, i'll stand by You.

Thoughts Of The Day ~SPeed

The anxiety of loosing something in life and the anxiety of gaining something in life are two of the main factor of our human dilemma.
We actually started to spark the feeling of anxiety when the moment we start to feel afraid of loosing something that is of great important to us. whereas, the situation when we are waiting to gain something in life, we actually start to feel anxious that we are not going to make it. *Sigh*... sound pathetic isn't it? But the only thing that can help you to overcome this problem is YOUSELF. Yeah, the close ties between "Cause" and "Effect" are always taken into account in our life. We have no choice, but to face it. Time can buy us a change and get us the "pass" to get rid of our dilemma

As I Mature ~ Speed

~ I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
~ I've learned that no matter how much i care... some people are just assholes.. or in some reason, i can be an asshole
~ I've learned that it takes years tp build up trust, and it takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
~ I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy.
~ I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
~ I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
~ I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
~ I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
~ I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your life or relationship, one of your friends did it.
~ I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
~ I've learned that never to betray the trust, respect and confident bestowed upon you. It'll take an amount of courage, inner strength and ability to gain it all back.
~ If there's any consolation to all of the above, i've learned, most importantly, to respect myself as i am and never deceive people that loves me.... transparent or not as it'll take the life energy out of you and the amount you put in to patch things up.

Love and Perfection ~ Speed

There's a knock on the door and love walks through and light a fire... a smile. As though love were going to stay and the fire breathes and weaves its spell until love runs out of lies to tell. For love is fickle... love's a flirt... Love's got places to go and people to hurt.
So here's the shovel to bury the flame. Tomorrow, you'll barely remember my name and t'll try to forget you my dearest one as a prisoner tries to forget the sun; for life holds no promise and love holds no charm since i beheld you in another's arms. Don't be someone else's slogan cause you're poetry. The biggest problem with perfection is its inability to recognize nor at least acknowledge anything less than itself.

There's a fine, fine line

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend.
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend, and you never know till you reach the top... if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy and a lie, and there's a fine, fine line between "You're Wonderful" and "Goodbye". I guess if someone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime but there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.... and i don't have the time to waste on you anymore Zimz.... i don't think that you even know what you're looking for. For my own sanity, i've got to close the door and walk away now. There's a fine, fine line between together and not... and there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got. Words of wisdom.... you better go after the thing you want while you're in your prime.

A New Beggining

It's been a while since i post a new blog and so many things has happened in my life...
I was down and sad cos for a bad experience and told myself this year would be a better year for me and what life has to offer. I've disappointed many hearts that's close to my including myself by not being truthful and completely honest. I was merely running away from reality and hiding my hurt, burden and grief deep inside me and it made be a worst person of all... By lying your way out of trouble doesn't get you anyway. Instead it temporarily prolonging the matter and generating an even greater problem. That's what i got from trying to bury my lie for too long. A person that i look highly too and respect took 2 step backwards from me. I wanted so much not to let that happen but it did and once again i have to gain that confidence, respect and acknowledgement from him among other people. Getting thru a breakup and trying to push yourself up to gain the confident seems endless to me as again and again, i only manage to create more hurricane in my life. Half way climbing up the mountain, i tripped on a small stone and went tumbling down. i have no one to blame but myself and now i need to get back to my feet and start wasting my time to climb that mountain again. But hey, who says life is easy. If there's any consolation to all this, i have brave the wild storm, stood on my feet again a hurricane and survived the war of hearts. I dare not say i won each battle but i'm still here, hurt or well, i can on rely on myself to mend the broken heart, heal the wound and hold my head high to face my failure and dissapointment in life. I know they will always be there for me but i'm not sure if i can face them heads up.... but i can and will try to face the music for it's to my own benefit and towards producing a better man in me.
"KO", i'm sorry i dissapointed you and not listening to what you say but i will try do what you want to see and achieving the tru potential in me that you already saw in me...
SPeed

Some times people come into your life

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away
That they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose
Teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them,
you know that very moment that they will effect your life in some profound
way and sometimes things happen to you at the the time that may seem
horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflections you realize that without ever
coming. Those obstacles you would have never realized your potential
strength, will power or heart. Everything happens for a reason.
Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love,
lost to someone of no use greatness and shows stupidity all occur to test the
limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly
paved, straight, flat road to no where. Safe and comfortable but dull and
utterly painless. The people you meet affects your life. The successes
and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad
experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probablythe most
priceless and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or break
your heart, forgive them because the have helped you learn about trust
and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.
If someone loves you... love them back unconditionally, not only because
they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart
and eyes to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment
and take from it everything that you can possibly can, for you may never be
able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before
and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your wishes high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a
great individual and believe in yourself.. because if you don't believe in yourself,
no one else will believe in you.

Hearts And Love ~ by Speed

People nowadays regularly used the word Sayang(Care), as a substitute for the word Cinta(Love) in their Vocabulary. It is as if saying Love to a boyfriend/girlfriend is inappropriate and embarrassing so saying Care is deemed as a better alternative in a personal relationship. What sort of phenomenon is this that erodes the meaning of the word "Love"? Is it related to the character of people who prefer freedom and dislike commitment ( the consequence of love)? This is an interesting phenomenon that must be recognized and discussed.

What is the true meaning of Love? The complex and multi-dimensional nature of love...( from physical, hormonal, emotional and right through its spiritual aspects) makes it difficult to comprehend. Love transport people into a new world filled with beauty, energy, ecstasy, but it also instills an astounding sense of recklessness in people. Love is the reason why a pair of lovers can stay up through the night just to watch the sunrise, take unnecessary risks just to see each other, or defy the boundaries of race and culture just to be together. That is the magic of love. A magic that blurs the line between sanity and insanity. Love does not just take us to see the heart that is full of joy, it also forces us to dive into the heart to see the sorrow and pain.

Keep the Lamp Of Love burning with scented oil that burns forever, because the sun rises in the east and sets in the west but Love rises in the heart and sets after the death.

Mencari Hakikat

Semalam yang pergi... meninggalkan seribu rindu
pada alam dan gemersik suara...
kita berlari merentasi masa
mencari hakikat tersembunyi

Semalam yang pergi... adalah satu sejarah abadi
tersimpan dalam kenangan
tanpa sekelumit terbuang
dari ingatan yang pasti teguh

Semalam yang pergi... meniup semangat harapan
agar esok dan seterusnya
akan dilalui dengan pasti
damai seceria hari ini... buatku

Hari ini... aku sedang berdiri disini
mengintip serpihan luka
dari sketsa kehancuran
akan kucantumkan... bajai...
untuk...
menyuburkan kisah dan harapan
untuk hari esok ~